The Chili Dawg

Today, I turn 9 years old! Yep, I’m a Halloween baby.  Mom keeps threatening to dress me up as a bumblebee, but Dad told her to give me a break this year since the Chili Dawg isn’t here to dress up too- thanks for helping me dodge that bullet, Dad.  Mom says that after work we’re going to take Noah and Juliana trick-or-treating.  I hope that means treats for me too, because it’s my birthday, and I should get something too, don’t you think?  I hope it’s not too cold outside, although I did see that Mom brought out my red hoodie and my green coat that great-grandma made for me so that I can stay warm.  I miss my snuggle buddy, and wish he were still here for my birthday celebration, but I know that he’s celebrating with me up in doggie heaven.  For today, everyone gets a head butt and a wiggle-butt dance from me 🙂

Well, Chili Dawg, it’s been two months since you crossed the Rainbow Bridge.  I miss you so much, but I am glad that you are no longer in pain anymore.  I think Finchy has realized that you aren’t coming back, but he still looks for you, specially now that the weather has gotten cooler and he needs a snuggle buddy.  Noah talks about you all the time, and he misses you too.  He drew me a picture of you as a tripawd so I wouldn’t miss you so much.  I had a bunch of pictures of you and Finchy printed out so that we could start on your memory book, but I am too chicken to open the box they arrived in.  I’m not ready to admit that you are truly gone.  I know that as time goes by, my heart will heal, but I will always have a Chili Dawg shaped scar on my heart.  As Charon & Gayle say, “Love never ends.”

Ugh.  I think my dad got me confused with the Chili Dawg.  Chili Dawg used to love bath time.  He loved anything that had to do with being wet.  One time mom and dad took us to “Dog Daze” at the community pool, and they pretty much had to drag Chili Dawg out of the water when it was time to go home.  But me?  I sunk like a stone in the pool.  I don’t like to be wet at all.

Apparently this past weekend, Dad decided that I smelled and needed a bath, so he gave me one.  I didn’t put up too much of a fight, because the tub gets slippery, and I learned that lesson when I was much younger.  So I sat in the tub and let Dad wash me, but I wasn’t happy about it.

Now that I’m clean, I have to work on finding my smell again.  Any suggestions?

Finchy here.  It’s been a while since I posted.  I’ve been missing my brudder a lot, and so has my mom.  Over the weekend my pawrents took all of us up to visit our grandpawrents.  Our cousins and aunt and uncle were up there too.  So were my dog cousins:  Sarge, who I’ve known for a long time- my grandpawrents got him after their Beagle, Fred, crossed the Rainbow Bridge, and Igor- who I just met- my aunt and uncle decided they were ready for another dog after their pitbull, Leia (who was the sweetest princess ever) crossed the Rainbow Bridge a long time ago.

Sarge and I get along fairly well, because the Chili Dawg was the alpha of the group and had put Sarge in his place when he was added to our pack.  Igor never got the chance to meet the Chili Dawg, and is still a puppy.  Sarge seemed to understand that the Chili Dawg is gone and that I’m still grieving him, but I don’t think Igor understands that I’m still grieving and I don’t really want to play ALL THE TIME, right now (give me a couple months and then I’ll be ready, I’m a Boxer after all, playing is what we do- right Rumbles?).  I did have to put Igor in his place once during the day, and I did feel bad for getting all cranky on him, but…

I did, however, get plenty of love from my little girl, Juliana, and her cousin she fondly calls, “Bubba” (his real name is Brendan, but they call him Chubba Bubba, & Juli picked up on the bubba part).  Brendan and Juli are 6 months apart and have their own little language that no one else understands…well, I think I understand it.  Of course, Mom doesn’t have a current picture of the 2 of them together, so I have to put in a picture of the 2 of them at Easter when they are both being “yelled” at for throwing their easter eggs out of their basket, because then the eggs opened and the candy bounced everywhere- which they thought was the funniest thing ever (notice they have similar looks on their faces).  So I’d say it was, overall, a successful roadtrip.

I teach high school.  This year, we are really pushing these 3 concepts: Be Positive, Be Respectful, Be Involved.  So, I made signs to hang up in my classroom.  It was easy to find pictures for being respectful and being involved to go along with the statements, but when I got to “be positive”, I hit a block.  My screen saver came on, and this picture of the Chili Dawg came on the screen.

How could you not smile and be positive when you’re looking at a picture of a smiling, three-legged golden retriever?  So, I put his picture on the sign and hung it up in my room.

A couple days into the first week, a student asked me, “How’s ‘Be Positive’?”  Me: “Huh?”  Student: “How’s ‘Be Positive’?”  Me: “Who is ‘Be Positive’?”  Student: “That’s your dog on the sign isn’t it?”  Me: “Yes.”  Student: “Isn’t his name, ‘Be Positive’?”  My co-teacher and I laughed pretty hard at that one, because honestly, who would name a dog, “Be Positive”?  In that period, it became a running joke that Chili Dawg’s name was “Be Positive”.

Well, this week is Homecoming Week, and today’s dress up day was pajama day (one of my favorite days, because I get to participate).  So, I was wearing my pajama pants with golden retrievers all over them & my “I love my tripawd” t-shirt.  I walked into 7th period, and at least 8 kids yelled out, “Hey, ‘Be Positive’ is all over your jammies!”  Well, I hadn’t told them that Chili Dawg’s cancer had come back or that we had had to put him to sleep, because it was so early in the school year and we hadn’t gotten to know each other that well, so I had to explain why I got a little teary eyed.

So, in the spirit of the Chili Dawg and my 7th period REI Chemistry class, “Be Positive”.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s been rough since we lost Chili Dawg.  I’m still crabby and Finchy is still whiney.  Chili Dawg’s ashes came home last week, and his 4 month ampuversary would have been on September 11th.  My husband flew out of town on September 11th, so I’ve been single parenting it this week, and I have to say, I don’t know how single parents do it!  Paws up to you who do it on your own!  My 2 year old is on an appetite stimulant because she doesn’t like to eat.  As a result, she gets up once or twice at night to drink her high calorie beverage (seriously, it really is high calorie-and it’s expensive, we have to order it off of ebay because insurance won’t cover it since Juliana doesn’t have a g-tube to make it her main source of nutrition).  So there you have it.  The perfect storm.  I’m crabby from losing the Chili Dawg, and now I’m crabby from being sleep deprived as well.

Tonight, I was at the point of exhaustion.  Wrestling with the kids to get in their pajamas, when Juliana looks at me and says, ” ‘Ove you!”  Did I forget to mention that Juliana is also speech delayed?  I think I smiled the first real smile since we lost the Chili Dawg, so I had to share it.

It’s almost been a week since the Chili Dawg crossed the Rainbow Bridge.  Finchy and I miss him very much.  The two of us are lost souls wandering the house.  Finchy is the whining one, and I am the crabby one.  Noah didn’t take his passing so well- on Wednesday the stress over everything that happened took its toll on him and I received a call from day care that he was throwing up but didn’t have a fever.  Poor kid 🙁  I left school and he, Juliana, Finchy and I spent the rest of the day together at home.

The hardest time for me is at night time.  Chili Dawg and I would snuggle together on the couch, bed, or at the end on the floor.  Finchy doesn’t know what to do either.  Last night he climbed up on the couch with me and later came under the covers with me.

Today the temperature is in the 60’s and it’s windy.  If Chili Dawg were here, he would be outside with his head in the wind and his fur and ears blowing, being “beautiful”.  It’s days like these that I notice his absence even more.  I miss you Chili Dawg.